Yeah, that’s a terrible idea. But The Mary Sue already did it, and it turned out to be not so bad. So because I’m astoundingly bored at the moment, I’m gonna try too. I’ll be a little more free-wheeling with my choices in places though. Let’s do it.
Jean-Luc Picard– Idris Elba or Eddie George
Idris Elba could play pretty much any role in this and own it.
Former star NFL running back, current small-time Shakespearean actor and occasional TV personality. Also charismatic and looks good bald.
Riker– Michael Shanks or Gina Torres
He has the look and the cred to bring the jack-of-all-trades second-in-command back to life.
Or how about a gender-swapped Riker? Gotta be Gina Torres of Firefly fame.
Geordi La Forge– Dule Hill
Easiest. Casting choice. Ever.
Data– Michael Emerson
Because I’d rather have Tom Hiddleston more-or-less reprise his Loki role as Q.
Dr. Crusher– Alex Kingston
Also easiest casting choice ever. Experience playing doctor on ER and cool enough equal footing with The Doctor hisself.
Worf– Michael Clarke Duncan or Shad Gaspard
This is all about how you want to portray Worf. Michael Clarke Duncan would make him a much more seasoned badass…
… While former WWE star Shad Gaspard would likely be closer to the original character, if even more physically imposing at 6’7″, still finding his way.
Deanna Troi– April O’Neil
Just keep April O’Neil from the outstanding TNG porn parody. As you can see, she IS Troi. Plus she’s a huge nerd in real life. Make it so.
Wesley Crusher– Taylor Swift
I don’t pay enough attention to really know any child actors, so we’ll both gender swap AND Dawson cast early-20s Taylor Swift, since she can play adorably awkward teenager so well.
Tasha Yar– Michelle Rodriguez or John Cena
Not obvious in looks, but pretty clear in personality. You need a tough chick to play Yar, and M-Rod fits the bill. And being Yar makes it easy to write her out if Ms. Rodriguez gets up to the off-set shenanigans.
If you’re going to gender-swap any character, Yar might be the one to do it with. John Cena can act competently and has toughness cred as a wrestling megastar, without being quite as obviously imposing as other casting choices, which is a pretty good way to gender swap a character, I think.
Miles O’Brien– Wil Wheaton
Grown up Wil seems to fit the mildly curmudgeonly everyman of the Federation rather well. I also might currently bear a passing resemblance to him in this pic, so ha.
Guinan– Keisha Castle-Hughes
I just like the idea of a super wizened and long-lived character looking physically young. And I think Keisha Castle-Hughes has the chops to play old in a young person body.
Reg Barclay– Masi Oka
After seeing Get Smart, I think Masi Oka is the right guy to play a background character that all manner of insane chaos befalls.
Ro Laren– Karen Gillan
Eh, why not?
Q– Tom Hiddleston
There ya go. This call done been casted. Back to the usual baseball card nonsense next. Thanks for stopping by!
Until our next…