One of those Nights…

It’s a cold, lonely night

And I’m stuck in the past again

Lost in memories

Of what I thought could have been

Can’t stop replaying

All the things I should have said to you

Everything I felt back then

You know it all still holds true

It never was

I know it never will be

No matter what I say

No matter what I wanna see

But I still lose all my senses

Rehashing our brief passing

And all the times you smiled at me

Make my lonely heart

Still want to believe

And I guess life goes on

Even when you can’t let the past go

No amount of pain

Can halt time’s unending flow

I cling to fading shadows

In the dying light

Of another sleepless night

I know I never had a chance

But I’m sorry I never tried

And when I’m at my weakest

It kills me deep inside

I keep chasing something

I know was never there

But when I’m missing you

The signs are everywhere

And I guess life goes on

Even when you can’t let the past go

No amount of pain

Can halt time’s unending flow

I cling to fading shadows

In the dying light

of another sleepless night

And I guess life goes on

Even when you can’t let the past go

No amount of pain

Can halt time’s unending flow

I cling to fading shadows

In the dying light

of another sleepless night

Just another damn sleepless night…

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Another Cards and Poetry Post

Twitter has juuuust enough characters for me to create mediocre-at-best tanka (5-7-5-7-7) and haiku, and there’s a beautiful soul on there that encourages me to do so whenever possible.  I’ve reeled off several since yesterday, so I might as well leave ’em here while I’m at it.  I don’t seem to be showing up on Blogger blogrolls at the moment anyway, so it isn’t like anyone is gonna see these or care.

Still, while there’s no common theme in my head to go with it this time, I will disperse the cards I didn’t end up using in my other recent “cards and poetry” post throughout, just in case. 😉

Just a little bit

out of step with time and space

Reality feels

less real when you can see the

other side of the fourth wall

'58 Milt Pappas RC..

’58 Milt Pappas RC..

The writing on the

wall; text just blurs together

when you’ve given up

This fight isn’t worthy of

my mind’s main stage anymore…

1970 Topps Ron Santo AS..

1970 Topps Ron Santo AS..

Riding the icy

wind through this sad, soulless town

My barren valley…

Only wasted potential

and broken promise remain

1974 Rookie Infielders..

1974 Rookie Infielders..

I’m a darker soul

than you’d ever want to keep

But I can still help

light the way through your darkness

My hope glows against the night

Tim Raines RC..

Tim Raines RC..

My mind is fractured

inscrutable, unstable

Even when I’m good

I’ll never be quite alright

Stay away, it’s for the best…

BowPlat Javier Barz Cutting Edge Star..

BowPlat Javier Barz Cutting Edge Star..

What good is there in

a creator lacking the

focus to create?

I guess the sketchy poetry is technically creating, but it isn’t the thing that’s likely to get me anywhere… Anyway, if you get this, thanks for stopping by.

 Until our next…

Now and Then, Here and There

'61 Post Ron Santo..

’61 Post Ron Santo..

Time marches on

BowChro Bryant/Moran Dual-ing Die-Cuts..

BowChro Bryant/Moran Dual-ing Die-Cuts..

The days pass

1995 CARDZ WCW Main Event Booker T..

1995 CARDZ WCW Main Event Booker T..

The weeks, the months, the years…

2014 Topps WWE Chrome Adrian Neville NXT Prospects..

2014 Topps WWE Chrome Adrian Neville NXT Prospects..

As we wander through our lives

Trifecta-completing Brandon Phillips RC..

Trifecta-completing Brandon Phillips RC..

Lost spirits on this lonesome path

Alshon Jeffery Inception Purple #'ed 41/99..

Alshon Jeffery Inception Purple #’ed 41/99..

Uncertain and unwinding

D-Lee Atomic Refractor..

D-Lee Atomic Refractor..

The wrinkles on our brow get a little deeper

Big Cat RC..

Big Cat RC..

The glasses on our face get a little thicker

Rizzo Red, White, and Blue Prizm..

Rizzo Red, White, and Blue Prizm..

Seasons come and seasons go

Leaf Sports Heroes Red  auto 1/3..

Leaf Sports Heroes Dominique Moceanu Red auto 1/3..

Champions are crowned and the losers go home

The greatest RC photo of all-time, Purple Cracked Ice edition..

The greatest RC photo of all-time, Purple Cracked Ice edition..

We lose ourselves in the past

Fridge RC!

Fridge RC!

Longing for our glory days, safe and certain

'75 Bill Madlock..

’75 Bill Madlock..

Engulfed in the rose-hued haze of memorialized time

'58 Vic Power..

’58 Vic Power..

While trying to live for a future left in doubt

Billy McKinney Orange Mini Refractor #'ed 8/50..

Billy McKinney Mini Orange Refractor #’ed 8/50..

When all we have that’s a given

Finest Warriors Taijuan Walker..

Finest Warriors Taijuan Walker..

Is the right here

2014 Bowman Platinum Carlos Santana Magenta Printing Plate..

2014 Bowman Platinum Carlos Santana Magenta Printing Plate..

And the right now

Bowman Heritage Soler Road to the Show..

Bowman Heritage Soler Road to the Show..

Until our next…

Soul Writer

I can do this

And I will do this

And I should have done this

A long time ago

Fuck the pride

And fuck the pain

The tedium and the strain

This is who I am

What I’m meant to do

Who I’m meant to be

I am a writer

I write for myself

I write from my soul

This is what I do

And now it’s time prove

I’m more than the mess

That stands before you today

Untitled Poetry

I don’t really know how or why it happens, but from time-to-time, I get in such a way that I can fire off a full and relatively decent (going by feedback anyway) poem or song in well under an hour.  I guess it’s the poetic version of being “in the zone”.  It happened again yesterday morning sort of, though this time I know where the inspiration came from.  I awoke from a hauntingly sad dream, and some of the words were already on my lips.  So I typed them down as accurately as my less than fully awake mind would allow and went from there.  Never was able to come up with a title for it though.  Anyway, fair warning, this isn’t a happy one.  At all.

And now when I stalk these halls

There’s no one here to answer the calls

All hope is gone

There’s no smiles, nothing left to see

With all my heart I defended you for so long

But one slip-up and you’re long gone

My childish eyes, they didn’t realize

That you were having problems too

And I wasn’t there like you needed me, it’s true

Thought it was enough, to stand up for you

But you needed more than I ever knew

More than a child could ever give

More than I could hope to understand

I was too young to be a man

So you left me high & dry

To trudge through my crappy life

Left me with nothing

No hope, no happiness, no reason left to smile

It feels like a bad dream

When I stalk these halls

And you aren’t here to answer my call

It doesn’t feel right, no

Not at all

Not at all…

Until our next…

And Now, Poetry

Once Upon A Memory

They say

Every day

That it was always better

In the olden days

That now

The skies are dark & gray

And looking back

Is the only way

Nothing could be better

Than our golden age

No nothing could be greater

Than the games

We used to play

To remember the good times

We gloss over the bad

Shove to the back

The things that made us sad

But what about now

What about how

The things that bring joy

To this dark lonely day

So much to your dismay

Are today’s trials any worse

Than the things we used to curse

Do faces in the crowd

Still scream out loud

Crying out from the past

For a justice that lasts

Everyone looks the same

In, rose-tinted hues

But the bad things we’ve done

Must not be forgotten

When we look back through our past

Remember

It’s just as it is today

Darkness and light intermixed

Scales of color, scales of gray

And think

Once upon a memory

Things may be different now

The circumstances may have changed

But that doesn’t mean

We’re worse off than we were

And maybe

We are even still okay

Just a little something I whipped in about 30-35 minutes, just before I started this post.  Lemme know what you think!

Nope, I’m still on hiatus…

It’s Almost Time…

It’s 2010 in most of the world now

And the last decade is all gone

But I have a few more minutes left to go

I’ve already made my peace with this past decade

So all that remains to do

Is watch slowly fade like a lonely ghost

On into the night

As it settles into the past for all eternity

And slowly fades from memory…

Goodbye to 2009

With morning comes 2010

Muse Control

I should’ve been sleeping.  It probably wouldn’t have been restful, but I need some sleep, yo!  Alas, the epically fantastic movie “The Crow” and some interesting chat woke up my Muse, which sleeps just fine thanks.  I came up with this off the top of my head right there in the chat room.  It’s a strange feeling, to actually be self-aware enough to feel yourself get into a mindset that… I would presume, is rather similar to an athlete being “In the Zone”.  Kinda trippy.

I leave you now for some much-needed sleep, with the poetic words that I said… Hope y’all like it.  Sweet dreams.

What is love? Life is crazy…

When she’s not here

I feel so alone, lost & gone

It feels all wrong

But I know it’s right

This is how it always felt

I just didn’t know it

I found something more

Something worth living for

A love worth fighting for

Stand up… stand up, wake up

Life is real, no longer a dream

My eyes can’t deceive my heart anymore

Now I know, yeah, now I know there’s more

Can’t stop it

It’s broken out of me

And I’ll never be same

Break me free

Come save me

Do you believe?

That me is dead and gone

Replaced by the me that you now see

Can you believe that I stand now

This feeling… I’m not afraid

For the first time

I’m not afraid

The smile on my face won’t go away

What’s left for me

But to fade, fade away

No way, never never gonna say…

Good day

Rainy Days and Cloudy Skies

Rainy days and cloudy skies

Are some of my closest friends

Rarely do I feel so alive

When I feel the rain on my skin

It purifies, and takes away my pain

A better touch I haven’t felt

The rain’s gentle caress

It feels so good that I could melt

I don’t need the sun to shine

To feel good inside

The cloudy skies protect my eyes

From the sun’s harsh rays

Hide me out from brighter days

Afraid to embrace the warmth

I’m so used to the somber greys

Should I change my ways

Is it already too late

To let go of my self-hate

It’s lonely but peaceful standing out here

Embracing my friend the rain

Is this how I’m supposed to feel

Standing under the cloudy skies

Is this the only way I can feel alive

… Wow, that was really amazingly bad.  Oh well.