I Have Had Enough…

…of this fucking hellhole.  Pardon my French, ahem…

So yeah, I’m having issues with my neighbors again.  Here is the deal: I have severe sleep issues.  For the last three years, people be coming and going all hours of the night, every single night, slamming their fucking doors.  This has literally cost me HUNDREDs of hours of sleep that I desperately needed.  In the meantime, over the same period, I have had the police called on me for being too loud, by the same damn people that have been keeping me up at night, at least a half-dozen times, the latest being verrry early this morning.  They also complain about me to the office a ton as well.  I have received at least three letters from them.

As if the total hypocrisy of that isn’t enough (I don’t care if they don’t realize it, it’s gotten *increasingly worse* for three fucking years), for the first year, or close to it, I actively did my best to be fucking quiet at night!  And that was when most of the complaining happened.  So I finally gave up trying after awhile, and had actually only heard the a smattering of complaints since.  However, as I said, the noise they were making got so bad that a year or so ago, I took to punching the arm of my chair whenever they slammed a door or made any other kind of loud noise at night.  And by now, I just do it almost instinctively to any noise they make any time of day.  I just don’t care anymore.

Yeah, I guess that makes me not completely innocent.  I’ve never claimed I was a saint.  However, they are the ones that started it, and continue to cost me sleep.  And no, filing complaints myself isn’t a very viable option.  First of all, I have a mountain of complaints against me for various things over the years, exactly one of which can be considered legit.  I have no trust in the people running this place anyways.  In every instance I’ve dealt with them, they are a bunch of back-talking weasels.  Even though they FINALLY did get the word out to try and keep people from slamming their doors, and it has actually worked to some degree, trying to get my point across was like pulling teeth.  I’m pretty sure it was only done at all because I was so righteously pissed off I that I was physically shaking trying to keep my shit together when I was talking to the lady.

But of course, now that people are being *somewhat* better about slamming their doors, someone above me nearby has seen fit to start scooting something heavy-sounding across the floor every night.  This sound actually bothers me more than the doors slamming.  The slow, obnoxious scooting sound that lasts up to several seconds at a time is quite literally one of the most annoying sounds I have ever heard in my entire life.

Anyway though, last night it happened while I was trying to get to sleep, as in I was halfway to dreamland when it started in.  I did what I do, I punched the arm of my chair, except really, really hard.  Fucker did it when I was almost asleep.  So I’m starting to get back to sleep a little later and I here some talking in the and then a knock at my door.  Three cops are out there.  Guess with that many, they must’ve been expecting some shit.  I told them what was going on and that I just wanted get some fucking sleep, they took down my name, listened to what I had to say, and went on their merry way.

Well, I’m sick of it.  If I had somewhere else I could go, I would not still be here, but I don’t so there isn’t much that can be done right now.  I decided I needed to say something to the people causing me trouble though.  So I wrote a note and put it on the cranky old bat’s door across the hall, since most my tormentors hang out together.  It took me four tries to try and get out what I had to say, not holding back how pissed off I was, but still trying to keep it clear and to-the-point.  Here is what I wrote in it’s entirety:

“Hi, it’s me. Y’know, you don’t seem to understand something. You guys started this shit with me. Understand this, the last three years, while you guys were complaining about my alleged noise all the time, you were costing me literally 100s and 100s of hours of sleep, slamming doors every. Single. Night. And keep this in mind, I did not start retaliating against y’alls BS in any meaningful way until a year or so ago. I even tried to not be loud for awhile, but I finally gave up when it proved futile.

What I’m trying to say is this, you guys have treated me like shit, even and especially when I was trying to be quiet. This is what happened on my end, this is what you did to me. Period. And I absolutely do NOT appreciate it. I don’t care if you care what you have done or not, but now you know. And know that I don’t like or respect almost any of you, that have caused me so much grief the last few years. That won’t change. You guys made my life even worse than it already was, to be 18-19 years old and end up in a place like this. This is how it is. Good day. I have nothing more to say to any of you, ever.”

Too light?  Too heavy?  Whatcha think?  I’ve let the world walk all over me for too long.  I had to say something, and I’m a much better writer than talker, so I wrote my heart out at them.

Alright, rant mode off.  I just had to get this off my chest.  I’m so sick of this place it’s not even funny.  I’ve been treated like shit since I moved here really, but I mostly didn’t care until people started screwing with my already tenuous ability to sleep like a normal human.  My next move is to file a complaint against whoever’s scooting stuff in the middle of the night if it continues.  I know it’s something I should take up with whoever’s doing it before I complain, but I just have no tolerance for any shit having to do with this place anymore.  I don’t think I can be respectful as I need to be, so I just have to file the complaint and be done with it and hope they can be arsed to do something about it.

Truth is, the only thing I wanted when I moved here was to be left alone, ideally so that my mental state could hopefully improve to the point where I’d be able to be completely self-sufficient someday, or if worse came to worse, a place I could slowly fade into oblivion.  Morbid, but yeah… I was barely functional at all back then.  It could’ve gone either way.

Fortunately, despite the constant string of shit I’ve received, I am getting better, and have no desire to fade into oblivion.  And I have all my online peeps to thank for that.  So for everyone I’ve been lucky enough to befriend online, from the bottom of my heart, thank you.

I don’t think I’ll ever think very highly of myself, and who knows if I’ll ever really make good on my alleged potential, but you’ve all given me the will to try and be a better, stronger, more worthwhile person.

Okay, NOW the rant mode is off.  Have a great night, everyone.  Peace, love, and fighting spirit. 😉

Can’t We All Just Get Along??

I was about to crash.  I really need to sleep.  I’ve slept MAYBE two of the last 30+ hours.  Not for any reason other than I have trouble sleeping sometimes, but still, I was just going to check my blog links real quick, read my friend’s column, and then, mercifully, go to sleep.  Had I not had stomach *issues*(saying any more would be TMI) stemming from the cream of mushroom soup I had for dinner, I would have been asleep sooner still and never even made it to the blogosphere tonight.

As you know from a couple posts ago, I’ve got bigger things on my mind right now.  A new post on that will be coming tomorrow probably.  Oh lordy is that business ever getting interesting.  But back to my SCB links right now, which haven’t been touched in probably close to two days.  It seems I missed out on a pretty big s***storm while I was away.  All the big names, the stars and unlisted stars of our little corner of cyberspace as it were, as well as pretty much everyone else that hangs out around here, got their say.  How exciting.

I don’t know if it’s too late to have my say, nor do I care.  What I read is bugging the crap out of me, so I will give my entirely unsolicited thoughts; I won’t be able to sleep well if it’s still on my mind anyway.  Wouldn’t be the first, and won’t be the last time I’m late to the party with an entry.  Maybe if there’s not closure for everyone just yet, this’ll be it.  With everything tediously said, here’s what I have to say.

In the red corner, we have Wax Heaven, the numero uno sports card blog on the web, recently sponsored by Upper Deck, run by Mr. Hard Luck himself, Mario Alejandro.

In the blue corner, JV of Treasures Never Buried, actually inspired by much supported by Wax Heaven itself, and quite possibly the most well-written sports card-centric blog going today.

I wonder if I didn’t put them in the wrong colored corners in regards to their political stances.  Oh well gentlemen, my blog, my rules.

Anyway, the problem between them… Mario, for whatever reason was less than forthcoming about three boxes of cards in question in the past few months.  JV noticed this and brought it, all but kicking and screaming, to the forefront.  Mario skated around the issue, seemingly frustrating JV to no end.  I think we all know Mario didn’t say where they came from because it would have started the controversy train early.  And clearly becoming Upper Deck’s box breaker was meant to be a surprise.

We should’ve all been aware that there was a certain Upper Deck-ness to Mario’s blog, because people within the company had the foresight to send him press releases and such, while Topps hasn’t seemed intrested in our existence out here in blogland at all.  It didn’t seem to be any big secret that people within Upper Deck were droppng the knowledge.  I recall mention of ol’ boy Mario knowing someone there, and people from UD have popped up in comments section more than once.  Perhaps it is ultimately Topps who were the ones with the foresight, for once, to not even bother messing around with it.  Maybe I’m giving them too much credit though.  They do have that doofy “Rip Master” guy after all, so I probably am.  They don’t factor into this anyway though, so whatever.

Ultimately, what matters here is Mario DID in fact lie, whether intentionally misleading or not, and JV called him on it, and for skating around the issue, which was entirely just, but in a way that was oddly loud and harsh.

When Mario said that he had in fact received the boxes from Upper Deck, I admit I felt something go off in my head, but it didn’t register as suspicion.  It was just “Huh, that didn’t seem to make sense.  Oh well…”.  I pretty much completely missed the suspicious elements of the boxes in question when they appeared.  They seemed vaguely amiss for some reason, but didn’t come close to raising any red flags.  Honestly, I was more concerned with the fact that something good actually happened to Mario and family for once.  It has been one helluva year for them.  But back to the matter at hand…

What we have here is Mario being less than truthful for what seem to me to be fairly obvious and somewhat justifiable reasons, and JV justly calling him out for lying and then (fairly succussfully) trying to take the focus off himself and his actions, if harshly and not in a very appropriate way.  That’s all there really is to what happened.  The why and reactions though are what we need to look at now though.

First of all, for the people calling JV jealous… um, no.  There is literally NOTHING I can think of that he’s said to back up that claim.  It reads more like heartbroken to me.  JV said it himself, Wax Heaven was an integral part of him becoming a blogger in the first place, and giving him many of his hits.  The guy that “made him”, for lack of a better term, betrayed his trust.  Yes, as JV has repeatedly stated, Mario’s blog is #1 and should be held to the highest standard amongst us so long as he is THE MAN amongst us and continues to post regularly, personal life hell or not, Tatiana.

Really though, it feels more like the reason JV really went the extra mile on all the research and effort he put into things… is to call out his (sorta) “mentor” because his actions, which WERE questionable, really bothered and perhaps even hurt him.  The reason he’s all but cussing you out in the comments, Tatiana, is because this was a quite possibly very personal thing for him.  If the person that was the reason you did something meaningful… and helped you get to a point where you were a fairly big deal in that field, did something that really bothered you, and wouldn’t even give you the time of day… who wouldn’t feel hurt and betrayed by that?  And as right or wrong as the reason(s) and the way JV went about everything may be (pretty much all wrong, in my opinion), JV did shine a light on something that someone less self-aware *cough*like me*cough* needed to know about.

Remember, the whole steroid thing in baseball didn’t start for the good of keeping young people off the juice, it was because hallowed records were being straight up OBLITERATED at a nigh-impossible rate.  The real positives didn’t come until later.

Lest you think I’m bias towards either, I feel both were at fault, Mario for not being truthful in the first place and then skewing the issues, JV for acting on impulse, being way too rash and hotheaded.  However, while they may never be on especially friendly terms again (not to mention them with me if they don’t like this post…) there is a quite simple thing to do next that may ease whatever hard feelings remain *gets out his Mario and JV hand puppets* (No I don’t really have puppets of them, smart***… :P):

Mario- “I should have said where the boxes came from in the first place.  I shouldn’t have tried to downplay it, making you look like a hater jerk in the process, either.  I’m sorry.”

JV- “I should have gone to you to find out what the deal was first.  And if I still felt the need to go public, I should have been less rash and more focused in the explanations for my arguments.  I’m sorry too.”

*Mario and JV hug it out*

… Yeah, don’t expect that to happen, but just admit *to each other* what you may have done wrong, even if you may not have realized you done wrong at the time.  Let bygones be bygones and don’t hold any ill will toward each other.  Maybe it can’t go back to how it was before, but there is no need for there to be a grudge held by either of you afterward.

I try my best to stay positive and focus on the positive aspects of others, so this won’t change my opinion of either of them.  I can only hope to become close to as good a men as they both are.  I’m sure they will both come out of this a bit more jaded and untrusting, but they will still both be aces to this little chump.  I like and respect both Mario and JV and enjoy reading their blogs.  I hope neither loses any readership over this and that they both continue to prosper.  They are two of the best at what they do, and I wish them well.  I still hope be able to trade with both of them (again in Mario’s case) sometime, as well as Dayf, who I had my own little issue with.  Maybe I’m weird, but unless I’m attacked personally and in mean spirit, I can deal with you.  Let’s all just try to get along and trade some cool cards, shall we?

Can I please go to sleep now?  I’m missing out on dreaming about someone dear to me.

Until our next,

Me

News & Notes

My mind and heart have been elsewhere, so here’s what’s up (what’s up!!).

The cards for Bailey from The Nennth Inning have been ready to go for awhile.  They’ve been sitting on top of my computer monitor for close to two weeks waiting for my lazy arse to get to the post office.  The ones for Dinged Corners are a different story.  The sheer number of cards I’m sending will take too many of the little 25 cent cases I usually use to send out trades in, so I’m trying to come up with a better alternative.  I’ll figure it out and get them sent out by the end of November 2009… probably. >.>

The Brewers are beginning to annoy me.

I hate to admit it, but I’m starting to be interested in all the political BS this year.  And is it just me, or has business picked up steam later than usual this year?  It might just be the fact I haven’t really been watching much TV for quite awhile.

Speaking of which, I’m getting really tempted to dump my digital cable.  I really dispize Comcast for f***ing me around on my bill the first several months after they took over… but, the music and sports available in the high numbers, as well as WWE 24/7 and anime network, won’t let me from drop more than $7 or so worth of programming.  I have got to find a better (or at least comparable and cheaper) alternative to Comcast’s internet service though.  Read my lips Comcast… your internet service is NOT worth $35 a month.

I have all my stuff from September’s “money I shouldn’t have spent on eBay but did anyway” all here, but I’ve decided it’s better to hold off on dedicating any time or a post to them until I can do up some scans, or get a Photobucket or some such to at least link to or something.  If nothing else, my personal collection received a nicer than usual upgrade, for less than I usually spend on eBay.  I stayed pretty focused for once.  Hopefully that post will be up in the very near future.

I haven’t been eating much… since this spring really, and lately I’ve been having a hard time keeping down stuff, particularly outside my normal faves.  I’ve got a lower than normal appetite nowadays anyway.  I only eat a normal amount of food a couple times a week at most usually, just eating one big meal or snacking throughout the day this summer and into the fall.  All I’ve eaten, and felt like eating, in the last 24 hours is a 99 cent bag of chips and a Fudge Round, a third of a big tomato, and a little hunk of some kind of meat, a small amount of which I couldn’t keep down.  I haven’t eaten in at least 16 hours and I’m not very hungry, except for maybe something relatively simple like a bag of popcorn or some other similarly simple snack food.  Should I be concerned about this?

Sleeping has been a problem too.  Why do I have such messed up and disturbing dreams when I miss my meds for a day or two?  I am a vivid dreamer, but missing a day or two should not be causing such messed up ones.  That’s not what they are for.  How can a mood stabilizer (such as it is) do that, when such dreams were relatively rare before I started them three years or so ago?

I acknowledge I need to be taking something, even the small difference what I’m on makes in my mood helps, and for some reason they have the effect of helping me sleep a bit better, or at least a little more normal, albiet in a way that doesn’t feel “normal”.  I only seem to do the staying up 24-36 hours thing about once a week on them, compared to *most of the time* and only being able to sleep 3-5 hours when I actually do sleep when taking nothing.  I’m clearly not stable and always seem to be just a moment from snapping, especially when most everyone around me knows the buttons to push to make it happen, and push them with straight up impunity.  I should be on something, but… I dunno.

I wonder if just being able to sleep properly would soothe the monster in me just as well as the small positive effect given by what I’m taking now.  And I mean *ideally* without the effect of screwed up dreams and the unnatural lethargic feeling that goes along with the aforementioned side effect of this particular med’s sleepymaking.  Is there some other med(s), or mayhaps something more natural, out there that will help me out in a less problematic way?

And *FINALLY*, I was distracted for awhile with video games and I’m still feeling the gamer in me, but I’m falling back into the funk related to the “Arizona Ominous” post again.  I’d really love to be able to speak on it in more detail, but I just can’t.  All I can do is be vague in regard to the whole situation like that post was.  Suffice to say it’s really buggin’ the heck outta me though.

Until our next,

Me