When you’ve been alone forever

How are you supposed to feel

When you aren’t beautiful

Or amazing

Or special in any way

When you’re just you

And then someone from forever away just blows your mind

Like, every time

That all it takes is just seeing their name

For you to just all lose control

You don’t really know them at all

And they know you even less

They probably don’t even care about you

Who are you anyway

You’re just some random jackass

Nothing special

No potential left to blow

Little hope for the future

That’s all that’s left of you

But what does it mean

When someone just makes you feel completely stupid and insane

And you never want to lose that feeling as long as you live

What is this feeling

The chemical reaction they cause in your messed up little brain

Why is it so exhilarating

Why are you so scared to feel this way

And why are you so afraid to lose that feeling

What does it mean

Why can’t you let it go

Don’t you wish they would just shoot you down already

Wouldn’t that make it easier

Don’t know

Just don’t know

I feel so completely unhinged…

2012 Topps

(Un)Fashionably late to the party as usual, here’s my mercifully quick look at 2012 Topps series 1.

Basically, it boils down to one thing, and one thing only, for me.  This set drives me crazy on an OCD level, so I won’t be buying any more of it.  Here is the thing that bugs me about it:

This is why!!

Leg goes through nameplate!  Comes out other side!  I AM NOT OKAY WITH THIS.

I will still want any of the Cubs and other players I collect of course, but I’m not buying anymore myself.  That crap with the nameplate is gonna drive me nuts forever.  The fact that almost all the inserts are blatant Panini backwards designing yet are still really damn nice looking is driving me a little batty too.  STUPID BACKWARDS DESIGNING THAT STILL LOOKS GOOD SHOULDN’T BE POSSIBLE.  It doesn’t compute!  tsdfygukvkyfkghjdascghvjh

Anyway, I’ll get over that eventually.  Maybe.  Here’s a few, most of which I’m probably gonna keep, in spite of myself:

Keepers (possibly excluding Pineda, haven't decided yet)..

Uggla is a keeper by virtue of being a throwback uni… Haven’t decided on Pineda… Starlin is Starlin… Dawsons are Dawsons (I actually pulled them back-to-back in a rack pack)… Jackie is just too damn cool to not keep… Starlin is also Starlin, despite the nameplate thing… Randy Wells’ pic just perfectly captures the Cubs’ and his own 2011 season perfectly… And Vlad is Vlad, plus I’m no longer contractually obligated to hate Albert Pujols. 🙂

Here’s a few more, because you obviously haven’t had enough 2012 Topps in your card blogging adventures yet, I can tell.

The Giveaway codes were both coins. Meh... Also you get Hester and Freeman, because this is the fifth blog post I've done up tonight (2/14-15/2012) and I DON'T FEEL LIKE EDITING ANY MORE FREAKING SCANS! BLARGH!

This really is it for my 2012 Topps pack buying though.  No more.  If I want Golden Giveaway codes, I’ll just get them on eBay.  Same for hits too I guess.  I’m back to derping around there a little bit, so yeah…

Well, guess that’ll do it for this post.  Guess you’ll be getting a post from me for the next three or four days at least… Is this good for you?  I. Really. Don’t. Know.

I’m going to go eat some soup now.  Goodbye…

At the Movies #1- Scooby-Doo and the Samurai Sword

Yeah, let’s do this!  I totally failed to get any scanning done today, but I did watch a couple cartoon movies on Cartoon Network yesterday, released in the last couple years.  So I may as well quickly review them here while I’ve got a minute.  Going to try a little “Misunderstood Masterpieces” style for this one, so of course that means SPOILERS AHOY!

First the bad movie: Scooby-Doo and the Samurai Sword.  It was entertaining, but not usually for the right reasons.  My dad & me had fun riffing on all the nonsensical things going on though.  The story opens with museum curator Mr. Takagawa (Sab Shimono doing his Uncle voice from Jackie Chan Adventures, which we found absolutely hilarious) and pink haired janitor Kenji (Gedde Watanabe) running into trouble with The Black Samurai’s (Kevin Michael Richardson) ghost.  Meanwhile the Scooby gang arrives in Japan so Daphne can compete in a (presumably) prestigious martial arts tournament.  Along the way we meet one Daphne’s friend and the only character besides Daph that doesn’t come off as irritating and/or pointless in Miyumi (Kelly Hu).  Seriously, even Fred and Velma don’t really do anything of note in this movie, especially the former.  Scooby & Shaggy are pretty annoying too until they take a level in badass later on.

They take a badass looking AI controlled jet (that never once goes out of control or breaks down, surprisingly enough) to the island dojo.  Uncle Takagawa is already there trying to warn the head of the place, Miss Mirimoto (also Kelly Hu), of the Black Samurai’s reappearance.  Once there, Daphne tosses Miss Mirimoto’s giant assistant Sojo (Also Kevin Michael Richardson) like a ragdoll.  Then we meet others in the tournament, who do absolutely nothing of note besides getting their asses kicked by ninja (robots).  Irish strongman and femme fatale with eyepatch are harmless if underutilized, but the guy that acts like a dog is painfully stupid and hard to watch.  And guess who gets the majority of the screentime of the three… Anyway, Miyumi and Daphne have a pretty good fight followed by a little mind-boggling les yay between Daph and Miss Mirimoto I noticed three such les yay-ish moments, and they are glorious).

At the evening’s feast the ninjabots attack and kick the other three’s asses and chase everyone around, to the worst music since that New Scooby Movies episode where Jerry Reed sang the same f***ing song 37 times in one episode.  The music in this movie SUCKED, adding to the whole unevenness of the production.  Anyway, after hijinks finished ensuing and Miss Mirimoto has a good but all-too-brief fight with the Black Samurai, who escapes with the scroll he was after.  But then they go get the real scroll and figure out it’s riddle.  We get the background on the Black Samurai’s legend, which was pretty cool actually.  Then off in the cool plane to some random spooky island to retrieve his evil sword before he can get it and return himself back to life, narrowly escaping natives and the Black Samurai to get it, who crashes and burns revealing himself to be Sojo.

Once they bring it back though, Miss Mirimoto inexplicably turns out to be the mastermind behind this and intends to revive the real Black Samurai, and captures our heroes, her reluctant student Miyumi joining her and Sojo.  Seriously, totally out of the blue.  I guess there were a couple of clues, but they were extremely vague.  Anyway, Scooby and Shaggy escape with the Sword of Doom via Sojo as the Black Samurai’s jetpack, while Uncle and the rest of the gang are trapped in the closet with R. Kelly or wherever they are.  After escaping back to the mainland and getting away from the ninja robots to more shameful music, Scooby and Shaggy crash in front of a sushi bar run by an old man (Keone Young) with a weird accent.

As an aside, all the important Japanese characters speak fluent English, but not a damn one of them use even remotely coherent accents.  Miyumi is generic youthful Asian woman, Kenji does the guy version, Miss Mirimoto is a generic villainous, Takagawa is Uncle from Jackie Chan Adventures who was Chinese, Sojo is mostly just gruff, this guy Matsuhiro seems to be vaguely channeling Bobcat Goldthwait, and George Takei’s brief cameo is with more of a British accent.

Anyway, after a cringe-inducing line or three from Shaggy (including a “Me so hungry” when offered miso soup), the ninjabots attack again, and Matsuhiro grabs his sword and slices the sh*t out of most of them in a cool scene.  The others get the Doomy Doom Sword and escape though.  All that’s left to do now is to find the Green Dragon (Brian Cox) that originally defeated the Black Samurai and get his help to save the day.  Shaggy & Scooby get a lil training from Bobcat and set off to find the dragon, who gives them the rest of the backstory, spiffy samurai gear, and his Sword of Fate, and flies them off to the resurrection site.  Somewhere in there Kenji dopily came along and freed the gang and they headed off to try and prevent the resurrection.

They watch from a nearby roof and see Miyumi show her true true colors, taking off with the sword in an effort to prevent the resurrection.  Velma and Kenji MacGuyver up an EMP blast that destroys the pursuing ninjabots, followed by a much more powerful accidental burst THAT KNOCKS OUT ALL THE ELECTRICITY IN TOKYO FOR NO APPARENT REASON AND IS NEVER FOLLOWED UP ON.

The baddies still get the sword back of course and the newly resurrected Black Samurai immediately turns on Miss Mirimoto and KOs her like nuthin’ (Sojo got knocked out by the resurrection itself, in his underpantaloons no less).  He forces everyone conscious to bow before his awesomeness as the Green Dragon enters the sword and Shag & Scoob arrive/crash land on the scene.  Another solid fight scene ensues as the startlingly competent duo put up a good fight until their inborn cowardice starts getting the best of them, leading to the funniest bit in the entire movie.  Matsuhiro’s words of wisdom echo and they think it’s in their heads, but it turns out he’s standing on a nearby roof with a megaphone.  Comedy gold.  With their minds clear once more, they manage to break the Sword of Doom and it’s curse, freeing the Black Samurai and allowing him to die peacefully after he thanks them (Takei’s 30 second at most cameo from which he undoubtedly received several hundred thousand dollars for).

Scooby gets a statue (calling back to the beginning of the movie), which looks to be made of cheese by the way, and we never find out what happens to Miss Mirimoto or Sojo.  The gang offers to let Miyumi to travel with them, but she decides to follow her own path and as the only really good character in this silly mess of a movie besides Daphne, I’d much rather follow her down that path than watch another Scooby DVD movie any time soon.

The Good: the plot (sadly wasted here), fight scenes, Miyumi, Brian Cox as the Green Dragon, Scooby & Shaggy’s brief competence

The Bad: the vast majority of the humor, lazy characterization, lazy voice acting, awkward pacing, a bunch of nonsensical moments, villains should’ve been much less lame than they ended up being, tone too light for story (this one might’ve been better suited to be darker ala the late-1990s/early-2000s Scooby movies)

The Ugly: the music, the dog guy

Facts that aren’t fun at all.  In fact they are quite sad:

This was apparently Casey Kasem’s last run voicing Shaggy.

This was also the last movie animated in What’s New, Scooby-Doo style.

Final Score: I give it a 2/5.  There is plenty of stupid fun to have here, so this isn’t a tedious affair at least.  It’ll breeze by quickly.  Plus Daphne and Miyumi briefly wearing coconut and seashell bikinis, respectively.  Ha! 😛

That’s all for this one, peeps.  Stay tuned for my next post in which I take a look at Tom and Jerry Meet Sherlock Holmes (hint: It’s WAY better).

Rit’s Ron Rotts! Ree-heeheehee…

Miami Mega Powers?

This post is inspired by a tweet by Steve of White Sox Cards fame.

LeBron James

Dwyane Wade

Chris Bosh

The Miami Heat have gotten three of the top 10 players in the league together (and two of the top five), and a collection of inexpensive but pretty talented also-rans and young’uns to back them up.  The expectations are enormous, and there’s no reason to think they can’t run roughshod over the league once they manage get on the same page.  But this reminds me of another seemingly unstoppable force that got together back in the late ’80s.

The Mega Powers: Hulk Hogan, Randy Savage, and Miss Elizabeth

Yes, back in the latter half of 1987, when the Miami Heat franchise was just preparing to come into being, the two biggest stars in the World Wrestling Federation, Hulk Hogan and the “Macho Man” Randy Savage, along with Savage’s universally beloved valet, Miss Elizabeth, joined forces to become The Mega Powers.

For awhile, all was well.  Savage became World Heavyweight Champion with an assist from Hogan in the tournament final after the whole Andre/Million Dollar Man/evil twin Hebner referee shenanigans.  And they eventually beat the so-called Mega Bucks in tag team action to end the feud.  The alliance was an uneasy one, however, as one would expect with the egos and personalities involved.  Savage was always pretty unstable, and Hogan… well, he tended to be oblivious to his closest allies to extreme degree, making him come off as a pretty big jerk in some instances, and making his former friends look fairly sympathetic when they turned on him.

Such was the case here, with the Hulkster being a little too friendly with Savage’s lady, likely being too dumb to realize it, as well as accidentally knocking Savage out of the Royal Rumble.  It would take an unlikely tag team of misfit toys to ultimately bring down their house of cards though.  Enter: The Twin Towers…

The Twin Towers: The Big Bossman, "The Doctor of Style" Slick, and Akeem The African Dream (aka One Man Gang; don't ask)

So yeah, these three oddly mismatched guys would be the final straw that destroyed the greatest team up in the history of professional wrestling.  But what does all of this have to do with the Miami Heat?  Well, let’s break it down:

The Mega Powers, two of the biggest stars in the history of professional wrestling, as well as the most beloved valet/manager ever.  Let’s start with Hulk Hogan, who had proven almost invincible in the ring and was front & center in the whole Rock & Wrestling thing.  He had a reputation for being immature though.  Hulkster’s obliviousness caused Orndorff to turn on him, his kinda-sorta glory hounding making it easy for Heenan to get in Andre The Giant’s ear helped that turn along, and overstepping his bounds with Elizabeth caused Savage to turn on him.

Now on to Savage.  He was always the better worker (by a long shot), and every bit as charismatic, but never quite got the respect he deserved, and was in Hogan’s shadow his entire career, despite arguably being an overall better talent.

True, Hogan would have done something to make him flip out eventually anyway, but they wouldn’t have lasted a week without Miss Elizabeth keeping the peace, which is of hugely underrated importance.

And then there’s the Miami Heat, three of the brightest stars in the NBA, at least two of which are well on their way to becoming all-time greats, and third is not far behind.  LeBron James is embattled a bit now, but he was pretty well loved by the fans until this past summer, and his skill is unquestionable, like Scottie Pippen and Magic Johnson combined.  He too had a rep as being immature (and perhaps a little mentally soft) behind the scenes/under the radar, though it wasn’t until “The Decision” where it came to a head, and those who questioned him appeared to be right.

Dwyane Wade is arguably LeBron’s equal, for what he lacks in distribution skills, he makes up for in being a go-to guy late in the game, the one thing LeBron has proven not to be that great at.  As well, he is the guy that brought in James and Bosh to HIS team, but he is still overshadowed by LeBron, and likely will continue to be no matter what he does.  Wade seems to be a pretty humble guy, but how will that work out over the long haul?

Bosh is almost forgotten in all of this, but his success is essential to the team, being the only proven power forward or center that is still young enough to play serious minutes.


Now let’s have a closer look at The Twin Towers.  They were comprised of former prison guard-turned pro wrestler The Big Bossman, a big random goof that never really got to do a whole lot in his time in the WWF in Akeem/One Man Gang, and Slick, their second-tier manager mostly known for being comedy relief of the stereotypical type.  Though OMG would have his moments, and Slick might have if he hung around the business past 1992, only Bossman would go on to be a significant mainstream star.

How is this important?  Well, there’s a certain team out east that has a very similar dynamic going for them on their team.  And that team is the defending Eastern Conference Champion Boston Celtics.  On their second unit is a certain super-heavyweight reserve officer of the law by the name of Shaquille O’Neal, a megastar making one last run at glory.  He is flanked by a random big guy that’s been known to have his occasional moments in Glen “Big Baby” Davis, and tiny hilarious (though not stereotypically, unless we’re talking stereotypical college student or 3rd grader) prankster Nate Robinson.


Shrekeem, The Bostonian Dream

The Shaq Bossman

“The Doctor of Style” Nate Robinson

Twin Towers 2.0?

So you had better get your act together, Miami.  Get everyone healthy and on the same page in a hurry, lest you repeat the unfortunate history of wrestling’s Mega Powers.  You never know when a mish-mashed team of 2nd-stringers will come along and brutally exploit the cracks in your seemingly indestructible juggernaut and tear all your grand plans asunder.

Then again, with all the money they’re making, maybe Miami’s Big 3 are really the Mega Bucks, which would make head coach Erik Spoelstra evil twin referee Earl Hebner and Pat Riley WWF President Jack Tunney!  Oww, my brain…

♫ Money Money Money Money Moneyyyyy ♫

I’ll shut up now…